Talk to a mate
Does it feel like something is up with a mate?
It's often hard to talk to someone that you recognise is not themselves, whether withdrawn, angry or drinking a lot.
By helping you to know how to talk to then, we’re not just helping you and a mate, but helping strengthen your community.
How to talk to a mate
Lean on a Gate has resources for the professionals, family and co-workers that work in positions that are often turned to for talking to a mate about mental distress.
Learn how to talk to a mate
By attending one of our seminars like Agri Connect, you’ll learn skills for how to recognise and talk to someone who is in mental distress.
Find local support
Find experienced mental distress professionals who are ready to provide guidance, support, and personalised advice in your area.
Connect your mate with us
If you identify someone who needs to start their journey, please use the link below or if it's urgent text 1737
the first step in strengthening your rural community
Learn about our Agri Connect seminars for all farm services, stock agents, agronomists any other rural service industry professionals.
Talk to a mate FAQs
Find answers to common questions about helping someone you think is going through a tough time.
Nine times out of ten your gut will tell you. You'll see changes in behaviour. They may be angry in general, or withdrawn. If in doubt, just talk!
Always act with empathy and understanding. Talk with them, not at them. For example use empathetic sentence starters like "the last time I was acting like this I had ....going on. What's worrying you?"
There are services locally that you can connect with. The Rural Support Trust has support in most regions of New Zealand. You can also connect with your local GP. Bring your mate with you to talk to them, but take notes of your conversation when you're there for later when your mate is ready to talk.
If you're concerned enough about your mate to reach out in the first place then reach out again or talk to another mate and or family member and ask them to reach out as well. Get them to be empathetic in their approach and say they think they need a talk.
Sometimes it's better to talk to someone you don't know well. They're less likely to be dismissive but also may find it easier to talk to someone who is removed and not directly affected by the mate's behaviour.
Start the conversation with empathy. Use the CHUR approach:
Connect with them:
Hear them out:
Uplift:
Reassure and then refer them to someone to help.
Get the latest updates from your mates
Keep up to date with events and education around how to talk to a mate and Lean on a Gate as we walk the talk.
